Wonfes Summer 2013! (some NSFW content)

Summer Wonfes has come and gone, bringing with it a veritable orgy of plastic goodness to tease and tickle the senses—and what a numinous orgy it was! Here at Poke the Merch, we are solemnly consulting physicians to discover which organs we can safely pawn in exchange for figure funds. After all, we have our priorities straight.

So, given the better-than-expected showing this Wonfes, what did we find especializing tantalizing?

April: LET THE RAINS BEGIN

April showers bring May flowers, but no one gives two farts about flowerrs at Poke the Merch. Now if April showers brought May merchandise we might care, but that's illogical and impossible to boot. Besides, nothing that rhymes with "merchandise" would make a cohesive poem, so we're not even going to try.

That being said, April has its own slew of beautiful materialistic wallet-eaters that require attention. So what are you waiting for?

March: Bring on the Leprechauns!

Sometimes, we run out of clever things to say in our posts, after all, our smart-ass banks have a finite cache dedicated to witticism. Let's make this one brief and sweet. March is the month of good drinking and Leprechauns, and here at Poke the Merch, nothing is more intoxicating than the scent of fresh merch.

So what do we have in store for you this glorious month?

February: The Month of Love

It's the second month of 2012 and here in Canada, it's cold. Therefore, when we call February the Month of Love, we're being somewhat ironic. It's hard to love anything when your eyelids are frozen together.

But enough of that cynical slander! Here at Poke the Merch, we're optimistic. We call February the Month of Love because we love what's coming, not because we're hopeless romantics or smart-asses or anything like that. As usual, we're all about the merch, because naturally, merch make the world go 'round.

January: The Dreaded One

Oh god, it's 2012! It's the end of the world. We're all DEAD! We're all—oh wait, we're still intact. Well, good! That just means more merch.

But before we move on to the spectacular monetary dedications we've made in Janurary, let's all stop for a moment, contemplate our new year's resolutions, and thank the Mayans for making us look like fools. Don't stop for too long though, or we'll leave you behind! Janurary isn't called the Dreaded One for no reason. It's earned its reputation, and how. Follow us and bask in the splendor of Janurary's material offerings!