1/8 Princess of the Crystal (GSC)

"Let's initiate the survival strategy!"—Princess of the Crystal

Once in a while, I pick up a figure that doesn't have guns a-blazin', booty a-bouncin', or bases a-stounding. Once in a while, I pick up figures because I like the character (shocking, I know). Princess of the Crystal had a slew of  memorable moments in Mawaru Penguin Drum. She's flamboyant, blunt, dominating, and able to deliver a deadpan seiron senryaku. She made me laugh, and laughter is a surefire way to my heart.

Oh Noes!: Hacker's Amputation

Ah, it's been a while since we last had an Oh Noes! How nostalgic!

Sadly, the longer you collect, the higher your chances of having a mishap.  Nevermind fault or folly, accidents happen. Stuff breaks. Things fall. We have naught to do but take to the Internet, vent our frustrations, and mope. If anything, they at least make interesting stories. Oh life, you and your villainous trials!

1/8 Tenshi exclusive ver. (GSC)

Behold! Tenshi descends from heaven to grace the earth with cuteness and charm—

Wait, wait, wait, didn't I already do a Tenshi review? Well, yes I did, and kudos to you for being so clever. But it's common knowledge that everyone could use an extra angel, so the when GSC announced they were releasing an exclusive Tenshi, complete with glorious, sweeping wings, I freaked like balls.

Nendoroid Petits (Tales of Series) - GSC

Hello dear readers! It’s been a long while, but I’m finally back with some figures!

It’s been a long while since I purchased any figures, but I knew my wallet sensed danger once I saw stock photos of some characters from the most recent Tales of games.  It was as though Good Smile Company knew some of my weak points: Adorable little figures plus the Tales of series.  After seeing stock photos of all the characters (Yuri, Estelle, Asbel, Sophie, Jude, and Milla), I knew I was going to immediately pre-order the Tales of series Nendoroid Petits. 

1/8 Miku Hatsune 2001 Racing ver. (GSC)

"Come, comrade, take my hand, and together we will ride the storm!" - Racing Miku 2011

Insert some epic music score by Hans Zimmer and she'll ready for the cameras. Racing Miku was my last true spontaneous pre-order of 2011. I came. I saw. I clicked confirm. No consideration. No joke. Her glossy, futuristic design and smashing twin tails won me over immediately. But was she worth it?

May: May-jor Merch Expected!

We got a few of you in April, didn't we? Don't deny it! Two of our last previews were actually made by ourselves and our awesome friends. Sorry we're so astoundingly skilled. We apologise if we got your hopes up, only to dash them with incredible cruelty. It's what we do best.  We promise not to pull any hijinks with you in May. After all, May is a big month. May is filled with wondrous, spring-fresh merchandise, and we're excited. So excited.

1/8 Misaka Mikoto (GSC)

It's about time I got to reviewing some older figures! My backlog on reviews is so stupendous it pierces the heavens (What? Nevermind). So without further ado, here is a retro-review for your enjoyment!

Misaka Mikoto is a small girl who fights gundams with her bare hands. That alone makes her awesome. Unfortunately, Misaka Mikoto isn't the most colourful person in the world, and her bland design translates to an equally mundane figure—or does it?

April: LET THE RAINS BEGIN

April showers bring May flowers, but no one gives two farts about flowerrs at Poke the Merch. Now if April showers brought May merchandise we might care, but that's illogical and impossible to boot. Besides, nothing that rhymes with "merchandise" would make a cohesive poem, so we're not even going to try.

That being said, April has its own slew of beautiful materialistic wallet-eaters that require attention. So what are you waiting for?

1/8 Oshino Shinobu (GSC)

Oshino Shinobu rocketed to the top of my favourite character list as soon as she opened her mouth in Nisemonogatari. Her silky drawl is fabulous. Her laugh, even moreso. There's nothing I dislike about her. Nothing at all.

So while I prefer Shinobu: Total Badass rather than Shinobu: Cuddly Vampire, any form of Shinobu is good. That's just how she rolls. After all, you can't go wrong with Shinobu, and you can't go wrong with GSC. The only logical outcome is win.

March: Bring on the Leprechauns!

Sometimes, we run out of clever things to say in our posts, after all, our smart-ass banks have a finite cache dedicated to witticism. Let's make this one brief and sweet. March is the month of good drinking and Leprechauns, and here at Poke the Merch, nothing is more intoxicating than the scent of fresh merch.

So what do we have in store for you this glorious month?

1/8 Lacia (GSC)

Jenn saw perfection.
She gave it a ten.
The end.

My greatest hope is that one day all my reviews will be that succinct, but Canadians will shun hockey before I become so laconic. Perfect figures are perfect, sure, but they also make short reviews, and then where will Poke the Merch be? (Around a trash fire under a bridge probably) So in the interest of self-preservation, enjoy another round of fangirl gushing.

February: The Month of Love

It's the second month of 2012 and here in Canada, it's cold. Therefore, when we call February the Month of Love, we're being somewhat ironic. It's hard to love anything when your eyelids are frozen together.

But enough of that cynical slander! Here at Poke the Merch, we're optimistic. We call February the Month of Love because we love what's coming, not because we're hopeless romantics or smart-asses or anything like that. As usual, we're all about the merch, because naturally, merch make the world go 'round.

January: The Dreaded One

Oh god, it's 2012! It's the end of the world. We're all DEAD! We're all—oh wait, we're still intact. Well, good! That just means more merch.

But before we move on to the spectacular monetary dedications we've made in Janurary, let's all stop for a moment, contemplate our new year's resolutions, and thank the Mayans for making us look like fools. Don't stop for too long though, or we'll leave you behind! Janurary isn't called the Dreaded One for no reason. It's earned its reputation, and how. Follow us and bask in the splendor of Janurary's material offerings!

Nendoroid: Totori Helmold (GSC)

Oh, lookie here! Poke the Merch's first nendoroid review! Aren't these little figures absolutely adorable? Don't you just wanna mix faces and body parts with all of them? Well, tough for me because I only have one so far, but Totori is an adorable character and her nendoroid captures her character perfectly. So how are Good Smile Company's nendoroids?

1/8 Hiyori Pixy (GSC) NSFW

Well, what do you know? Our first NSFW figure. Tasty.

When I first began collecting, I never thought I would indulge in NSFW figures. I didn't think I could ever display them without blushing my way to an ischemic stroke. Since then, I've realized I'm a shameless appreciater of gratuitous nudity with no self-consciousness.

Excellent.

December: Coming to a theatre near you

Once again, the time has come. The time to curl up with some hot cocoa and seriously contemplate the future. Will we que sera our way through life, or will we wrestle it to the ground? Just what does tomorrow bring? The ponderance of times to come is a taxing process. The future is mysterious and shrouded in uncertainty. It's a scary, scary place out there. Fortunately, Poke the Merch, knows exactly what to expect.

Merch, of course.

November: Coming to a theatre near you

What? A November movie? It'll be so exciting. It'll be like leaves falling, leaves falling, leaves falling, it's December, THE END. What? You're not excited? That's ok, because we're excited! And we have enough excitement to share! So, what are we all pumped up about?

Why, merch, of course. November is a cold, blah month, but the thought of spending money keeps us burning inside. Feeling the brr of oncoming snow? Never fear! Join us in the material expectation of getting more stuff, and let Poke the Merch warm you this winter!...in a sexual way.

1/8 Tenshi (GSC)

Who is this mysterious, shadowed figure? I know, I know, I'm terrible at suspense. I probably shouldn't give away the answer in the title, but hey, 20/20 hindsight, right?

Oh Angel Beats, what am I supposed to say about you? Good conception, bad execution? Nice music, horrible pacing? Plot-hole-galactica? Nevertheless, I watched the entire show through, thanks to this beautiful girl.

1/8 Miku Hatsune Lat-type Ver. (GSC)

When companies began pumping out Miku figures like common flapjacks, I promised myself I wouldn't get sucked into it.

Of course I wouldn't. Except I was.

When GSC released Miku Lat-type with a pair of spiffy red glasses, she was so adorably nerdy I couldn't help myself. They got me right in the Achilles heel this time. Well played, GSC, well played indeed. 

1/8 Triela (GSC)

I woke up this morning to find a package waiting for me (no, not that sort of package, don't be dirty). Inside was MMD Miku-lat and a small girl with a big gun. I squealed a little inside. I spazzed. I reviewed.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to my newest lovely, rifle-totting, witty, level-headed, cyborg child assassin, Triela. What isn't there to like about her? Even her name sounds lovely, like some splendid bird tremelo.