1/7 Beelzebub (Amakuni) NSFW

Friends, life is often filled with disappointments. Many days, I find myself underwhelmed, or disappointed, or ambivalent about a highly anticipated figure. An amazing prototype comes out, but the paint job fails to deliver. I pre-order a figure just to realize I am no longer interested when the release date comes by. Or something like that.

Which is why I was so pleased when a figure actually surpasses my expectations. Figures like Beelzebub.

1/7 Cerberus (Max Factory)

Continuing our reviews of figures that have appeared in my Year End Review trend...

Cerberus was one of my superficial buys. When I ordered her, I knew nothing of her character except that she looked cute, had an attractive outfit, and was manufactured by Max Factory, both of which were apparently enough to warrant a buy.

1/7 Margit Suzuki (Native) NSFW

Another day, another review. This time, we're headed to the classroom, where a naughty, half-German professor who definitely looks old enough to teach chemistry (wink wink) once again takes off her panties for the sake of science. Because, "If you're going to do science, it had better be German" (Native, 2013). Yes'sir, it's just another beautiful, typical day in Japanland.

Yup.

1/7 Sonico Santa swimsuit ver. (Alter)

Finally, it's appropriate to review Santa swimsuit Sonico (stranger sentences are possible, but rare). See, I've had this Sonico kicking around since Alter decided to release her in May, but never bothered to take pictures of her, because a Santa hood would look too darn silly against a lush, green lawn.

When Alter announced they were finally jumping on the Sonico bandwagon, I did an unsuccessful backflip. Sonico and Alter? Talk about blowing my mind.

1/7 Miku Hatsune ver. Type 2020 (Max Factory)

Seventh Dragon 2020 Miku is a prime example of an obligatory buy. With Max Factory's Samurai and Hacker already under my belt, was there any viable doubt I would add Idol Miku to the mix? None. Blame my rampant collector's mentality.

So, did collector's mentality result in a good purchase? Maybe. Maybe not. I speaketh no spoilers. Not in this preview, anyway. You'll just have to read on.

1/7 Menma swimsuit ver. (Max Factory)

I'm not sure why it took me so long to pick up Max Factory's swimsuit Menma. I've been a fan of her unique look since the very beginning, but even when her resale price dropped to 3000 yen, I waited. What was I trying to prove? That I'm patient or something? How illogical.

So, after a year of staring at photos of her on the Internet (like an apex creeper), I finally threw up my arms and ordered her. Instantly, a thousand weights lifted from my shoulders. Hallelujah!

Yuu's "Magic" (Doujinshi)

Hey all, it's been a while since I pumped out an artbook/doujinshi review! I have an explanation! I swear!

Today we'll be looking at one of the only doujinshi I picked up in the past year. Magic by Yuu (last name currently unknown) is a short, yet spectacular orgy of pastel softness and astounding detail. But hey, don't trust just my word. Take a look for yourself.

1/7 Trunk Girl (Native) NSFW

Wow, has it been a while since I last wrote a review, or what? My sincerest apologies to our readers for taking such a long, unannounced break. If I've learned anything, it's that life has a way of interrupting at the most inconvenient times!

That being said, I have a lot of figures to catch up on. Today we'll be looking a tone of Native's naked and creative ladies. She's lithe. She's twisty. She's Trunk Girl! Read on, O readers!

2013: Year in Review

Hey-yo, all you gorgeous homo sapiens. Happy New Years to all! So another year has gone and what have we to show for it? Slightly fuller Detolfs and a basement full of cardboard boxes, that's what. If I sound bitter, I assure you, I'm not. After the insane year-long shopping spree I went on in 2012, I kicked my own butt and budgeted for 2013. If 2012 was the year of loose wallets, 2013 is the year of prude wallets. I set myself a stringent list of rules to reign my spending habits this year.

Chibi-Arts Sinbad (Bandai Exclusive) slightly NSFW

It took a while, but I'm glad a nice little Magi – The Labyrinth of Magic figure was released!  Sinbad, high king of the seven seas, is the first to get a Chibi-Arts figure from Bandai and I have to say “huzzah!” to that because he’s one of my favourite characters!

Despite him being an exclusive and costing me more than what I would normally pay for a small figure, I’m glad I managed to snag him during the early pre-order period at Big in Japan.  The price for Sin eventually shot up at several other stores near the release date.  Even now it’s incredibly hard to find him at a decent price.  Was he worth the 5890 yen I paid?  Well, let’s take a look, shall we?

1/7 Miku Hatsune (Max Factory)

Does this count as a retro-review? 2009 was, oh god, four entire years ago. Time, come back! I'm not done with you yet!

Granted, I didn't get my hands on this figure until recently, so retro or not, she's still "new" to me. Since I obtained Max Factory's beautiful Luka figure, I've been scouring the Miku-scape for a perfect match. Sure, I already have GSC's Miku Lat and Racing Miku 2011, but neither look great beside Luka. So I did what I do best, and began a systematic hunt for a partner.

1/8 Princess of the Crystal (GSC)

"Let's initiate the survival strategy!"—Princess of the Crystal

Once in a while, I pick up a figure that doesn't have guns a-blazin', booty a-bouncin', or bases a-stounding. Once in a while, I pick up figures because I like the character (shocking, I know). Princess of the Crystal had a slew of  memorable moments in Mawaru Penguin Drum. She's flamboyant, blunt, dominating, and able to deliver a deadpan seiron senryaku. She made me laugh, and laughter is a surefire way to my heart.

Shadow Heartless (Square Enix)

Heartless.  They’re incredibly adorable until they slash or backhand Sora across the face, causing him to lose heath.  Then it’s all about beating them and then (maybe) feeling bad later.  I mean, they don’t know any better!  Personally, I can’t help but feel bad every now and then for beating one of these little guys in battle even if they attack me first.  They’re really cute for enemies, which is why I ended up purchasing this plush.  Let’s take a look at Square Enix’s latest plush toy!

1/6 Velvet (Yamato)

Velvet, why hasn't Alter picked you up yet? Is it because your beauty surpasses their imaginations? Or because Mercedes didn't do as well as they expected? Either way, it's a bummer. I, for one, would have preordered her at the speed of light.

Velvet is from the PS2 game, Odin Sphere (you can also find it on PSN for a ridiculously low price). It advertises itself as an RPG, but is really more of a side-scrolling beat 'em up with a satisfying apocalypse story. Oh, and it's tres delicious eyecandy. I doth recommend it most avidly.

Kingdom Hearts - Final Mix (Platinum Edition)

Ah, Kingdom Hearts.  I can't help but adore this series no matter how many games are released, or how ridiculous the story gets.  I remember loving the original Kingdom Hearts back in the old days.  Once the second game came out I developed an obsession with collecting merch from the series.  I even managed to pick up the Kingdom Hearts – Final Mix Platinum Edition while I was in Japan visiting my sister, and that’s what we’ll be looking at in this review.  Since Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix just came out, I figured why don’t we take a look at the first Kingdom Hearts special edition?

Fuji Choko's "Fuji Shiki 2012" (Doujinshi)

How long as it been since we last threw up a doujinshi review? Too long, way too long. Shame on us! 

But art isn't dead on Poke the Merch, not yet anyway! It's been a while since we last reviewed a doujinshi, so forgive me for my artistic rustiness. Here I go:

If I were to describe this doujinshi in one sentence, it would be, "Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?" and yes, Fuji Choko can.

1/8 Miku Hatsune 2001 Racing ver. (GSC)

"Come, comrade, take my hand, and together we will ride the storm!" - Racing Miku 2011

Insert some epic music score by Hans Zimmer and she'll ready for the cameras. Racing Miku was my last true spontaneous pre-order of 2011. I came. I saw. I clicked confirm. No consideration. No joke. Her glossy, futuristic design and smashing twin tails won me over immediately. But was she worth it?

2012: Year in Review!

Happy New Year, all you beautiful, crazy people out there.

So, another year gone by and what have we got? More merch, more cheer, and slightly emptier wallets. 2012 was the year of indulgences. Used figures and spontaneous buys galore! Restraint? Never heard of it! And what do I have to show it? Dozens of beautiful ladies and thin magazines filled with magic.  It hurt like repeated lashes to the rear, but it was worth it. After all, collecting is masochism sublimated.

1/7 Luka Megurine (Max Factory)

Luka Megurine has a lot going for her. Beautiful legs. Chic outfit. Presumably wonderful personality. And jazz.

Luka Megurine is my favourite V2 vocaloid. It's a shame she's been vastly ignored by figure manufacturers in favour of the all-encompassing Miku. So when Max Factory announced Luka's release, I attempted a backflip. It ended badly, but it did nothing to dampen my spirits. She was an insta-get, despite widespread concern for her face.

1/8 Honma "Menma" Meiko (Alter)

Of all the innocuous ghosts out there, Menma is the cutest. You heard me, Casper. You've been usurped.

Being my third favourite girl from Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai (gosh, what a name), I debated long and hard on whether to keep her pre-order. Nary a week passed where I didn't consider cancelling her. In the end, I stuck with her, and it was the right decision by far. By far.