Oh Noes!: Tamaki's Warped Leg

Friends, sometimes, mistakes happen. Sometimes, a ball is dropped and no one picks it up. Sometimes, details are overlooked and no one notices. Sometimes, people get lazy because they are human.

Luckily, when such things happen, there's a thing called communication. And disgruntlement. Communication and disgruntlement can get you far in situations where people are busy being human. Read on, for the full story.

1/7 Cerberus (Max Factory)

Continuing our reviews of figures that have appeared in my Year End Review trend...

Cerberus was one of my superficial buys. When I ordered her, I knew nothing of her character except that she looked cute, had an attractive outfit, and was manufactured by Max Factory, both of which were apparently enough to warrant a buy.

2014: Year in Review (NSFW)

As the year draws to a close and a new one commences, I am forced once again to confront the financial and emotional budget of my wonderful hobby life. With 2015 sweeping away the woes of 2014, how, might we say, did my collecting journey evolve? The new year is a time for reflection, resolutions, and a brand new outlook on life. Learning experiences are abound, realizations are to be made, and statistics are to be analyzed. So, without further ado, I present to you a summary of my plastic conquests.

1/7 Menma swimsuit ver. (Max Factory)

I'm not sure why it took me so long to pick up Max Factory's swimsuit Menma. I've been a fan of her unique look since the very beginning, but even when her resale price dropped to 3000 yen, I waited. What was I trying to prove? That I'm patient or something? How illogical.

So, after a year of staring at photos of her on the Internet (like an apex creeper), I finally threw up my arms and ordered her. Instantly, a thousand weights lifted from my shoulders. Hallelujah!

Wonfes Winter 2014

The following the a true to life reaction of Poke the Merch upon seeing Winter Wonder Festival 2014: "My god, it's ALL Kan Colle!"

We're not kidding. We might even be a bit traumatized. Sure, there were other figures here and there, but it was mostly Kan Colle. How one series became so dominate in terms of representation is a mystery to us. We suspect conspiracy (or overwhelming firepower). So we ducked our heads, peeled our eyes, and sought out the few figures brave enough to stand among the crush of personified war machines.

2013: Year in Review

Hey-yo, all you gorgeous homo sapiens. Happy New Years to all! So another year has gone and what have we to show for it? Slightly fuller Detolfs and a basement full of cardboard boxes, that's what. If I sound bitter, I assure you, I'm not. After the insane year-long shopping spree I went on in 2012, I kicked my own butt and budgeted for 2013. If 2012 was the year of loose wallets, 2013 is the year of prude wallets. I set myself a stringent list of rules to reign my spending habits this year.

1/7 Miku Hatsune (Max Factory)

Does this count as a retro-review? 2009 was, oh god, four entire years ago. Time, come back! I'm not done with you yet!

Granted, I didn't get my hands on this figure until recently, so retro or not, she's still "new" to me. Since I obtained Max Factory's beautiful Luka figure, I've been scouring the Miku-scape for a perfect match. Sure, I already have GSC's Miku Lat and Racing Miku 2011, but neither look great beside Luka. So I did what I do best, and began a systematic hunt for a partner.

Wonfes Summer 2013! (some NSFW content)

Summer Wonfes has come and gone, bringing with it a veritable orgy of plastic goodness to tease and tickle the senses—and what a numinous orgy it was! Here at Poke the Merch, we are solemnly consulting physicians to discover which organs we can safely pawn in exchange for figure funds. After all, we have our priorities straight.

So, given the better-than-expected showing this Wonfes, what did we find especializing tantalizing?

Oh Noes!: Hacker's Amputation

Ah, it's been a while since we last had an Oh Noes! How nostalgic!

Sadly, the longer you collect, the higher your chances of having a mishap.  Nevermind fault or folly, accidents happen. Stuff breaks. Things fall. We have naught to do but take to the Internet, vent our frustrations, and mope. If anything, they at least make interesting stories. Oh life, you and your villainous trials!

2012: Year in Review!

Happy New Year, all you beautiful, crazy people out there.

So, another year gone by and what have we got? More merch, more cheer, and slightly emptier wallets. 2012 was the year of indulgences. Used figures and spontaneous buys galore! Restraint? Never heard of it! And what do I have to show it? Dozens of beautiful ladies and thin magazines filled with magic.  It hurt like repeated lashes to the rear, but it was worth it. After all, collecting is masochism sublimated.

1/7 Luka Megurine (Max Factory)

Luka Megurine has a lot going for her. Beautiful legs. Chic outfit. Presumably wonderful personality. And jazz.

Luka Megurine is my favourite V2 vocaloid. It's a shame she's been vastly ignored by figure manufacturers in favour of the all-encompassing Miku. So when Max Factory announced Luka's release, I attempted a backflip. It ended badly, but it did nothing to dampen my spirits. She was an insta-get, despite widespread concern for her face.

November: Coming to a theatre near you

What? A November movie? It'll be so exciting. It'll be like leaves falling, leaves falling, leaves falling, it's December, THE END. What? You're not excited? That's ok, because we're excited! And we have enough excitement to share! So, what are we all pumped up about?

Why, merch, of course. November is a cold, blah month, but the thought of spending money keeps us burning inside. Feeling the brr of oncoming snow? Never fear! Join us in the material expectation of getting more stuff, and let Poke the Merch warm you this winter!...in a sexual way.

1/7 Kureha Touka swimsuit ver. (Max Factory)

Kureha is cute, cute, cute. I don't know why I find her so inexplicably adorable, especially since she doesn't have the big-eyed, doll-faced, moe-moe look.

Since the release of the Shining swimsuit line, I wanted to get my hands on Kureha (it sounds dirtier than it is, really). Her pose is adorable. Her expression is adorable. Even her fingers are adorable. Plus, I'm a huge fan of wavy hair. We need more wavy-haired girls in life.

1/7 Clalaclan Philias swimsuit ver (Max Factory)

Ah, there's our buxom princess, all vertical and on her feet. Clalaclan's an awkward name, isn't it? Sounds like a bad cough.

Why did I buy Clalaclan? So Xecty (another awkward name!) wouldn't be so alone. Now they stand apprehensively together, both as comfortable on the beach as flourine is stable.

Am I spectacularly happy with her? Eeeeeeeeeh—I can't say I am. Am I spectacularly disappointed? Eeeeeeeeh—not spectacularly. 

1/7 Xecty swimsuit ver. (Max Factory)

I've always considered myself a fan of female anatomy, so it's strange it took me so long to get a bikini figure. I admit, they always seemed so bare next to their gloriously robed counterparts (I'm sorry, that was bad, I know).

Well, friends, there's a first for everything, and I say, this beautiful lady is a fine way to begin.